The flight

[Warning: mature content ahead]

Day 1

Awesome plane food, I’ve always loved airplaine food, they are so gourmet and legit. It has always been a highlight and probably the only thing I look forward to on the plane.

Sleep on the plane was next to shit, greedy corporatism fucking packs all the seats as closely as human biology allows. But what they didn’t consider is the ones out of the biological norms. There was no room for me to tuck my long legs everywhere. I had probably 6 different sleeping positions before I was worn out by the exhaustion. Not only that, cherry keeps invading my personal space, by leaning on my shoulder, but good thing there were barely any weight in her head *wink*. Last but not least, the bros in front of me watched homo Chinese movies the whole way and looking at the screen at 5am in the morning is like fucking staring in the sun.

To make the journey that much more unbearable, cherry kept doing the cow thing for the whole duration if you know what I mean. God, someone plug that shit up. I had to keep her away from the kids for the next flight. By the end of the flight, there was nearly enough methane in the cabin to trigger a spontaneous combustion.

Ipad was extremely useful. The screen in the plane was prehistoric, it might have been good 10 years ago, but now it’s like a piece of crap, literally, coz I can’t see shit on it. I tried watching ‘cowboys vs aliens’ which has like s20 mins pure night scenes, and the darkness can’t be shown on the poor LCD screens. Plus that movie was shit, so I resorted to ipad, which had HD videos and gg musics, which went extremely well with my $400 headset, a small consolation in such strenuous environment.

The turbulence in the flight was pretty scary, especially the prolonged ones. I couldn’t help but to feel ‘what if’, and the thought of plunging 13000 feet down to earth didn’t seem like an appealing idea at all.

When we were close to our first destination, Shanghai, I ninjaly slipped on my winter clothes, which involves going butt naked in the seat. Good thing the neighbours weren’t paying attention or I would be having a fun time explaining myself and my lewd behaviour.

After arriving at china, we chilled for two hours before boarding the flight to schwitzerland. The food on the flight was horrible, it made you feel how lucky you are to have Air NZ.

The power of ipad came alight as Cherry and I just tore our way through the Lord of the Ring trilogy extended version.

Sometimes during the movie, cherry went to 1 of her many journeys to the toilet. Annoyed by the frequent breaks, I decided to play a prank. I poured all the salt from lunch into her apple juice, which had like 2 sips left. But then my peaceful conscience came into play , so I tried the spiked drink, making sure it wasn’t too appalling.. the taste was terrible, it was like taking gulp after gulps of seawater. So I quickly emptied 2 sachets of sugar into the mix. By this time, I was beginning to worry that Cherry might be back soon while the drink was still full of powder, so I quickly mixed the drink. By the end of it, the drink looked thick, almost like a syrup, but at least the taste was bearable, but weird nonetheless. After cherry came back, I quickly beguiled cherry into drinking it under the pretence of a toast. And all thanks to the excuse of a videolog, I recorded her reaction.

After this episode, a random Chinese kid came and began hitting on cherry. She was about 7 years in age, very bubbly and began asking all sorts of question that a girl would ask. Like what do you think I should colour my bee? She appeared to be taking confidence in cherry almost instantly, and before you know it, she began whispering stuff into cherry’s ear while glancing at me, probably asking what’s wrong with my face. Well, fuck you.

After landing in Zurich airport after 15 hours, we went thru the usual procedure. The weather outside was gloomy, full of hills and gtreeneries, kinda like nz without the chill.

Oh their toilet entrance has an automatic door, fancy schmancy.